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    Know when a person’s basic feeling of trust is determined



    The first relationship that ever a child has in this universe is his or her mother. The manner in which the caretaker responds to the infant’s needs-patiently with warmth and concern, or brusquely with little sensitivity to discomfort-will influence the child’s attitudes towards other people. Some Psychologists believe that a person’s basic feelings of trust in other are determined by experiences during the first year of life.

    By two months of age the average child, will smile at the sight of the mother’s face. Indeed, the infant’s ability to smile at such an early childhood may play an important role in strengthening the mother child bond. The infant’s tending to seek closeness to particular people and to feel more secure in their presence is called attachment. While a close relationship with a warm and responsive adult is essential for a child’s emotional development, interaction with other children plays an important role, too. Human children also learn many of their social skills in interaction with each other. They learn to give and take, to share in co-operative venture, to enjoy each other’s actions, and to understand how another person feels. Peers become models to imitate as well as important dispensers of rewards and punishment. By watching the action of peers, children may learn new skills (how to build a bridge with blocks) or the consequences of certain behavior (aggression get other children to trouble). Although parents are the primary identification figures, sibling pay an important role too. The sex of the other siblings influences the child’s interest and behavior, girls with older brothers are likely to be more masculine (Tomboyish) and competitive than girls with old sisters. Similarly, boys with older sisters tend to be less aggressive than boys with older brothers. Birth order also affects the child’s relationship in the family. Studies conducted show that the responsible child would be often the third. The more conscientious and co-operative nature of the first-borns probably reflects an attempt to maintain their ‘privileged’ status with the parents in the face of possible displacement by the newly arrived sibling. The after-born may feel less competent than the older sibling and may try to excel in other ways- for examples by being more physically daring.

    Beginning Relationship: Relationship may be in the form of a mother, sibling, friends, life partners or a companion, rival, relatives etc. Any how these relations should be formed out of any of the following factors.

    • Co- operation
    • Competition
    • Conflict
    • Accomodation
    • Assimilation

    These are the essential forces that make relationship a positive or a negative one in other intergroup Co-operations. Most of the relationships are made out of co-operation. Except a few like child-mother which is in in-separable all other bonds are purely on the basis of give and take. We find to choose our friends, our mates etc., by co-operating with them.

    Competition: In any relationship there is a competition that always exists. It may be direct or indirect. For example, a relationship between our colleague may be co- operative but at the same time there exists a competition between him and us.

    Conflict: whenever there is a relationship there is a conflict. Conflict may result due to differences of opinions between two friends or a husband or a wife. There are several reasons for the outbreak of conflict but it may end up in breaking the relationship.

    Accomodation: When people finish up the conflict they tend to accommodate each other mutually.

    Assimilation: Assimilation is the process when by persons acquires the culture of other groups in which they come to live, by adapting its attitudes and values.

    A relationship, therefore may be formed or began out of co-operation, conflict, competition, accommodation.


      Hi, I’m Aarti, My Psychoanalytical approach towards my clients is to empower them to better their lives through improving their relationship with themselves. I believe shame and guilt is a common barrier to change. I aim to guide my clients through re authoring their narratives where shame, guilt, and other problems have less power and take up less space.

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      Does suppression of discord have a negative effect on a relationship?



      Do people have to be enemies to be in conflict?
      Does being in conflict make people enemies?

      Interpersonal conflict exists whenever two or more people disagree. Conflict occurs between friends and lovers as well as between competitors and enemies. The discord may be caused by a simple misunderstanding, or beliefs. Because conflict is an unavoidable aspect of interactions, it’s essential to know how to deal constructively with it.

      Many people assume that any kind of conflict is inherently bad and that it should be suppressed if an at all possible. In reality, conflict is neither inherently bad nor inherently good. It is a natural phenomenon that may lead to either good or bad outcomes, depending on how people deal with it. When people see conflict as negative, they tend to avoid coping with it. Of course, some-times avoiding conflict can be good. If a relationship or an issue is of little importance to you, or if you believe that the costs of confrontation are too high, avoidance might be best way to handle a conflict.

      Suppression of discord usually has a negative effect on a relationship in spite of efforts to conceal it. For example, people in distressed marriages use more avoidance than people in no distressed or satisfied marriages. When dealt with openly and constructively, interpersonal conflict can lead to a variety of valuables out comes.

      Among other things, constructive confrontation may

      • Bring problems out into the open where they can be solved.
      • Put an end to chronic sources of discontent in a relationship.
      • Lead to new insights through the airing of divergent views.

      To manage conflict effectively, you need to know what you are dealing with. You can see five types of conflict commonly: Pseudo conflicts, fact conflicts, policy conflicts, value conflict and ego conflicts.

      Pseudo conflict is just what it says a false conflict.

      Fact conflict occurs when people disagree about issues of a factual nature. The way to deal with such fact based conflicts is to check the facts and then dwell into who was right and who was wrong.

      Policy conflicts arise when people disagree about how to handle a particular situation. Successfully resolving a policy conflict depends on finding a solution that addresses the problem and the feelings of both people. Policy conflicts can recruit when two people agree on a policy but one or both fail to follow through on it.

      Value based conflicts are a particular problem in intimate relationship. IF couples can recognize conflicts as value based, they can understand that an issue is important to the other person and that he or she is not just being stubborn. Nonetheless, when irresolvable conflicts become an ongoing source of distress in relationship, they can lead to breakups. You can minimize value based conflicts by matching up with a person who has similar values.

      Ego based conflicts often arise when one or both parties lapse into negative personal judgments about a content or value based issue under discussion. People most often slip into judgmental statements when they have expertise or a special stake in the discussion. Before you realize it, you are hooked by your emotions, lose the ability for rational thought, and find yourself saying things you can’t take back. Because individuals perceive so much to be at stake, ego based conflicts are difficult to manage. For this reason the best way to handle them is to recognize them early on and to move the conflict back to a content level. Unfortunately, even minor disagreements can erupt into aggressive (and possible lethal) confrontations.

      Learning how to manage conflict is an essential skill in today’s world. Studies have consistently revealed five distinct patterns of dealing with conflict:
      Avoiding / withdrawing, accommodating, competing/ forcing, compromising, and collaborating. Two dimensions underlie these different styles: interest in satisfying one’s own concerns and interest in satisfying one’s own concerns and interest in satisfying other’s concerns.

      Avoiding / withdrawing refer to low concern for self and others. For minor problems this tactic is often a good one, there’s no need to react to every little annoyance. For bigger Conflicts, it is not a good strategy; it usually just delays the inevitable clash.

      Accommodating refer to low concern for self and high concern for others. People who are overly concerned about acceptance and approval from others commonly use this strategy of surrender.

      Competing / forcing refer to high concern for self and low concern for others. The competitor turns every conflict into a black and white, win or lose situation. Competitors will do virtually anything to emerge victorious from confrontations; thus, they can be deceitful and aggressive including using verbal attacks and physical threats.

      Compromising refer to moderate concern for self as well as others. Compromisers are willing to negotiate and to meet the other person halfway. With this approach, each person gives up something so both can have partial satisfaction. Compromising is a fairly constructive approach to conflict, especially when the issue is moderately important.

      Collaborating refer to high concern for self and others as well. In this approach, conflict situation, try to give the other person as an equal. If you have a higher status or more power (parent, senior), try to set this difference aside.

      Define the conflict as a mutual problem to be solved cooperatively, rather than as a win lose proposition. Make communication honest and open. Use specific behaviors to describe another person’s annoying habit rather than general statements about their personality. Avoid loaded words that tend to trigger negative emotional reactions in listener. Use a positive approach and help other person save face limit complaints to recent behavior and to the current situation. Assume responsibility for your own feedings and preferences.

      It you can use an assertive communication style; you will find it easier to head off and deal constructively with conflict situations.

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