How to enhance sexual relationship

Because individuals differ in sexual motives, attitudes, and appetites, disagreements about sex are common place. Couples should negotiate whether, how often, and when they would have sex. They should decide what kinds of erotic activities would take place and what sexual behavior means to their relationship. This negotiation process might not be explicit, but it’s there. Unresolved disparities could be an ongoing source of frustration in a relationship. Surprisingly, until William masters and Virginia Johnson conducted their ground breaking research in 1960, little was known about the physiology of thehuman sexual response. Masters and Johnson use physiological recording device to monitor the bodily changes of volunteers engaging in sex. Their observations and intervieous with their subjects yielded a detailed description of the human sexual response that won them widespread acclaim.

Some general ideas about how to enhance sexual relationships, drawn from several excellent books on sexuality. Even if you are satisfied with your sex life, these suggestions may be useful as “preventive medicine”.

Pursue adequate sex education. A surprising number of people are ignorant about the realities of sexual functioning. So the first step in promoting sexual satisfaction is to acquire accurate information about sex.

Review your sexual value system. Many sexual problems stem from a negative sexual values system that associate sex with immorality. The guilt feelings caused by such an orientation can interfere with sexual functioning.

Communicate about sex. As children, people often learn that they shouldn’t learn about sex. Many people carry this edict into adulthood and have a great difficulty discussing sex, even with their partner. Good communication is essential in a sexual relationship. Many of these problems- such as choosing an inconvenient time, too little erotic activity before intercourse, and too little tenderness afterward- are traceable largely to poor communication. Both men and women say they want more instructions from their partner. But your partner is not a mind reader. You have to share your thought and feelings. If you are unsure about your partner’s preferences, ask. And provide (but diplomatic) feedback when your partner asks for your reactions

Avoid goal setting. Sexual encounters are not tests or races. Sexual experiences are usually best when people relax and enjoy themselves. People get overly concerned about orgasms or about both partner’s reaching orgasm simultaneously. A grim determina mental set can lead to disruptive habits like spectatoring, or stepping outside the sexual act to judge one’s performance. 

Enjoy your sexual fantasies. As we noted earlier, the mind is the ultimate erogenous zone. Although Freudian theory originally saw sexual fantasy as an unhealthy by product of sexual frustration and amative, research shows that sexual fantasies are most common among those who have the fewest sexual problems. Men and women both report that their sexual fantasies increase their excitement. So don’t be afraid to use fantasy to behave your sexual activity.

Be selective about sex. Sexual encounters generally work out better when you have privacy and a relaxed atmosphere, when you are well rested, and when you are enthusiastic. Of course, you can’t count on (or insist on) having ideal situations all the time, but you should be aware of the value of being selective. If your heart just isn’t in it, it may be wise to wait. Partners often differ about when, where, and how often they should have sex. Such differences are normal and should be a source of resentment. Couples simply need to work toward reasonable compromises-through open communication. It’s better to adapt the philosophy that getting there is at least half the fun.